Categories
Nonsense

5 Little Heard Quotes About Nintendo’s 5 Little Known Abandoned Games For 5 Of Their Best Selling Consoles. 5.

“In retrospect, the technology just wasn’t there yet. We wanted players to be able to ‘milk’ Mario and the GameCube was a brave little console but despite our best coding efforts, Mario produced more ‘milk’ than the chipset could handle. He just wouldn’t stop, like the eager beaver we all know him to be. Maybe we can revisit it for Switch 2 in October 2020” – Shigeru Miyamoto speaking to Country Life Magazine in 2019 about Super Mario Udders.

“It was really far along! They had me in the studio to record a new catchphrase for Mario that we all instinctively knew that the kids would love and had the game made it to the finishing line, kids all round the world would be yelling ‘It’s a pee, Mario’ at each other. Ultimately Walmart refused to stock it so that was that, game over!” – Voice of Mario, Charles Martinet discussed the lost 3DS update of Dr Mario set in the urology department.

“Reggie was really sold on the idea. He’d burst into the office some days with PowerPoint presentations, graphs, everything. It was a real team effort but I’ll never forget Mr Miyamoto’s face when Reggie sat down to explain to Mr Tezuka how we could use the Trukhanovsky method to determine whether Yoshi could fit anything else in his dino guts before he would ‘burst’ at the player” – composer Koji Kondo joyously recounting to the UK’s Edge Magazine about his time spent composing for the cancelled Yoshi’s Pie Land.

“We had one rule. Mario is tender, Luigi a heart mender. We also had a rule for Bowser but I forget what it was now” – Yoshiaki Koizumi talking to The Guardian’s Albert Trampoline in 2016 about the design philosophy behind cancelled WiiU dualscreen dating sim Super Mario Lovers.

“…we didn’t realise he even had this problem until the third month into development! Someone piped up from the back of the office ‘do we really need all these eggs?’ and we were all very upset. Basically, every single day Mr Miyamoto would come into the office, take a different member of the team to one side and instruct them to add an egg to the game. 3 months worth of eggs, all painted with different designs, by different team members. We were lucky, I later heard the team behind Metroid Prime didn’t notice for 8 months and had to hire external consultants to track them all down. They were very deeply embedded in the codebase, all these eggs!”, an anonymous coder on why they left Nintendo during the development of Kirby’s Plasticine Welly for the N64

Categories
Nonsense

Game Jams

Back in my day, game jams needed a screwdriver to fix. I don’t understand this new fangled nonsense.

Categories
Nonsense

Idea for a TV show #1

The Great British Snake Off.

Each round, contestants are covered in snakes. Whoever un-snakes themselves first without meaningful disaster will do well but really, it’s all about shedding those snakes as stylishly as possible.

Do a little twirl, maybe some ballet, a bit of interpretive dance, paint a picture as the snakes slide off. Bake a cake for the snakes – cnakes.

I have never seen The Great British Bake Off but I imagine it’s similar so this will definitely make me rich.